


Pushy Motherfuckers and Amateur Therapy

by CurlicueCal, LaughingStones



Series: Shadowbound AU [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Urban Fantasy, Demonstuck, Humanstuck, M/M, Soulmates, There are cookies, also mild trauma, and heavy flirting, magic as science, shadows as daemons/familiars, soulbond, this is secretly a bakery au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-07-22 14:58:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7443553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlicueCal/pseuds/CurlicueCal, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaughingStones/pseuds/LaughingStones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Jane had said, actually, was, “They’re a bit of a hard case, but they only act impossible.  Dirk’s really a big pussycat if you dig deep enough.  And his shadow is quite sweet, behind the noise.  Most people don’t tolerate them well, but you’ve got a leg up there.  I’m sure you’ll get on swimmingly! Try not to break each other.”</p><p><em>...She seemed to think as this resonance thing was some work of fate or suchlike,</em> Gamzee said.<em> That whole soulstruck deal as you hear about.</em></p><p>Kurloz prickled with protective resentment, all curly briars in Gamzee’s head.  <em>Motherfuckers better keep to their place, all I have to say.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Pushy Motherfuckers and Amateur Therapy

Gamzee had even more reason than usual to be grateful for Kurloz right now. Not to say he didn’t usually have gratitude all up in his heart, but just now jostling through the crowd on the sidewalk it was real easy to get distracted what with all the voices clashing in his head. Kurloz kept reminding him of where they were going, keeping track of the streets they passed. 

Weaving along the sidewalk, Gamzee’s head turned, following the path of some sister and her shadow who was all at saying about a birthday party. He walked full into a brother in front of him and they had to scuffle around a bit, shadows curled in tight and dodging each other at the ankles. 

_ Jerks need to watch where they’re going,  _ said the brother’s shadow, voice growing fainter as they passed on down the street.  _ But really, I wish you would quit that stupid job already. It’s a waste of our skills. What if we... _

_ Heads up, my brother _ , Kurloz said to Gamzee.  _ They’re all just noise. Keep your eyes on those street signs so I can see ‘em _ . 

_ You got it, bro _ .  _ Wisteria Street _ , Gamzee said, looking up at the sign.  _ Which one are we all at looking for again? _

_ Sakura Street,  _ Kurloz reminded him, patient. He was used to being Gamzee’s one solid anchor in the sea of mental commotion. 

At the corner, one of them shadowless brothers was getting on his rant and rail about ‘modern society’s addiction to demon summoning’, shoving pamphlets at unwilling passersby. “You’ve let parasites into your minds,” the brother declared from his step, voice carrying, and Gamzee slid past him quick, because even the restful quiet spot he made in the hubbub of shadow-talk didn't make up for the aggravation out loud.

He drifted along the rest of the block without incident, mostly focused, turning when Kurloz nudged. Once they stepped off the main street, there wasn’t much in the way of crowds to deal with and the going was all but easy from there. One more block and they fetched up at a row of those funny houses what got all split in halves and made into two homes pressed together. The address Jane had told him matched the left side of one halfway down the street.

Okay. This was. No kind of big deal at all. Was all just to look, right? Didn’t have to be any kind of thing. Gamzee fidgeted at the foot of the walk, checking his bag for the box of cookies and that they weren’t broken none. 

_ Looks like a nice enough place even if we gotta put up with some impudent motherfuckers to get it,  _ Kurloz said. His tendrils twisted on the pavement around Gamzee’s feet, coiling in a pulse like a heartbeat. 

_ Mm,  _ Gamzee said uncertainly.  _ Think maybe if we don’t go brushing up with them I could stand it. Jane said as they had no intention to harm.  _

What Jane had said, actually, was, “They’re a bit of a hard case, but they only act impossible. Dirk’s really a big pussycat if you dig deep enough. And his shadow is quite sweet, behind the noise. Most people don’t tolerate them well, but you’ve got a leg up there. I’m sure you’ll get on swimmingly! Try not to break each other.”

_...She seemed to think as this resonance thing was some work of fate or suchlike _ , Gamzee went on. _ That whole soulstruck deal as you hear about. _

Kurloz prickled with protective resentment, all curly briars in Gamzee’s head.  _ Motherfuckers better keep to their place, all I have to say _ .

_ Karkat would be into it,  _ Gamzee offered.  _ Whole… serendipity kind of thing.  _ It didn’t soothe either of them down. Even the thought of Karkat had little comfort to it just now.

Gamzee took a deep breath and walked up to the door. Kurloz spun out across the porch and then back in close and dark around him. Swallowing, Gamzee raised fist to knock. The door opened before he could get to it.

Pointy-shades brother--no, he had a name; Dirk, that was it--the weird-shadowed brother from the bakery stood there in jeans and a white tank, face that same blank mask as to keep everyone out, his shadow a leaning figure on the wall beside him. He made no move to greet or welcome. 

Gamzee turned the knocking fist into a friendly wave. “Hey there, motherfucker. Got those cookies for you.”

_ Oh, good,  _ he heard the brother’s shadow say in the beat of silence that followed.  _ He brought the appointed bribe. You going to stand here like a socially inept lump all day, or do we get this party started? _

Expression unchanged, the brother stepped aside and gestured Gamzee in with a tilt of his head.

Gamzee walked in past him, glancing sidelong as he went. That blond hair was maybe even spikier today, and the pointy shades shiny as dark mirrors. From the look of him you wouldn’t expect it, but it could be as the brother was shy. Made him a bit easier to deal with, thinking that.

He headed straight for the back wall, picking his way over a tangle of wires on the floor to fetch up in a clear area by a battered sofa and a fine-ass TV. Kurloz spread himself over part of the sofa and a nearby workbench, where the light was brightest, twisting out around Gamzee in a loose semi-circle. 

_ Nice fucking digs,  _ Kurloz muttered.  _ Walls ain’t peeling and the floor’s solid. Could use a bit more color. _

_ Think he’d let us paint? Nice smooth walls like this, we could do some sweet motherfucking murals.  _ Gamzee looked around to find the brother and his shadow still by the door where he left them, corded brown arms folded, looking kind of stiff. “You got some sweet shit, bro.” He glanced at the workbench full of fancy-looking circuit boards and metal scraps that Kurloz was making himself at home on. “What’s the haps with all the tech?” 

“I’m doing my Ph.D. on harmonic intersection across multi-dimensional planes. Lab stuff comes home sometimes. But the robotics shit is mostly a side-project I’ve been working on.” The brother took a couple steps closer, tilting his head to cast eye at Kurloz. “It involves a set of sensitive components. You might want to let your bro there know he’s courting an interesting explosion if he hits the wrong frequency. I’m as interested as the next guy to find out what it’s like to stand inside a black hole, but maybe not today.”

Gamzee was almost certain-sure the brother was exaggerating, but he wasn’t gonna gamble on it. He pushed concern all wordless at his shadow-bro.

Kurloz swirled away.  _ Motherfucker wants a black hole, I can damn well give him one. No components necessary but our own two selves.  _ From the smooth flow of him, Gamzee could tell he was more amused than mad.

“Damn, bro, you got brains all stuffed up in there. Rocking the mad polysyllabic vocabulary at a brother.”

The brother was close enough now that Gamzee could feel the flash of cynical amusement from the other shadow, all pointed in. Broad shoulders hunched the tiniest bit in response. “Yeah, bad habit, I know. I notice you pulled out the word ‘polysyllabic’ pretty quick there yourself, though.” 

“Got a love for words on me, bro. I kick some sweet rhymes on occasion, see? And if you wanna be lyrical, shit let's be empirical, gotta have recollection of a fat collection, can't be no rejection framing word selection. When I get verbose, they don't go comatose. I got the fine locution starts a revolution.” He stopped and shrugged.

There was a long pause while the brother stared at him. Had a hell of an unreadable look to him, and for a minute Gamzee worried he’d set foot wrong already. The other shadow stepped in closer to his brother, mimed resting his chin on laced fingers.  _ I would describe the emotion you are trying not to have as ‘oh no, he’s hot.’ _

Gamzee blinked. Not a thought he’d seen coming from this brother. 

“ _ So _ ,” the brother--Dirk--said abruptly and a little too emphatically. “The bathroom’s down that way; my room’s at the end of the hall. Your room would be that one there if you want to poke your head in. Sorry it’s full of spare parts right now. I’ll clear it out if you wind up taking the sublease.”

Gamzee stepped through the maze of tinkery bits and wires again over to where was indicated and looked into the room. Wasn’t much floor to be seen, but the walls and ceiling looked good enough. No dents or holes, no stains, even. Didn't have no window, either, so he wouldn't have to have his caution on for folks trying to break in that way--though maybe round these parts that wasn't such a worry. Lights looked good. Could be a nice comfy room, if he could get it.  _ What do you think, bro?  _

_ Looks real fine if he gets his shit out for truth. Don’t need his business all up in our space, pushy fucker that he be. _

Gamzee blinked, glancing back over his shoulder at the brother and his shadow.  _ He ain’t as pushy as he was _ . Felt different, too. Back in the shop, they’d been all jangly and discordant from the moment they walked in the door, feelings pressing all uncomfortable on the inside of his skull. Today, only the smallest piece of that pressure was left. Gamzee would have expected to feel it more, here, with the shadow-bro all unfolded from himself and not hidden like he had been. ...Could be the difference was being on his own turf?

Gamzee stepped back from the doorway, wandered down the hall to look at the bathroom, moved back to his safe spot by the couch with a wall at his back. Dirk stood there silent the whole time, getting on his observation of a brother. Seemed to be his way. His shadow was closer than he had been, lounging half across the couch on the opposite side of Gamzee from Kurloz.

Gamzee shrugged. “Looks good. You got the papers?”

The brother sort of twitched. Gamzee felt a stir of surprise from the shadow-bro on the couch.  _ Wait, seriously? Isn’t this the guy that we freaked out in a major key yesterday? _

“You don’t have any further questions. Any other details you think might come up before you decide to move in.”

Gamzee gave him a puzzled look. “Like what, bro?” He didn’t have no kind of problem with his last roomie’s drug habit, and he’d figured out how to look past the used condoms accumulating in the front hall of his current pad. He could sleep through any amount of loud music and shouting. Anything this straight-edge brother could throw at him, he and Kurloz could handle.

The brother stared at him. “Oh, I don’t know. What issue could possibly arise? Here, let’s shake on it.”

Gamzee reared back from the extended hand like the threat it motherfucking was. Wide-eyed, he pressed back against the wall, feeling Kurloz flare all around him in a wave of dark tendrils.

Slowly and carefully, the brother lowered his hand. His shadow flowed off the couch and over by his feet, the human silhouette still keeping pretense at a casual pose despite his energy humming tensely in Gamzee’s head. 

“Yeah, that’s pretty much what I thought,” the brother said.

_ I’m thinking you did not think this through, bro,  _ his shadow said.

“Don’t motherfuckin do that,” Gamzee said, still breathing fast. What the fuck, he'd had it sure they were getting on real well, and then this. 

The brother slid his hands deliberately into his pockets. “Hey. Staying over here. But if you’re gonna live here, we’re going to brush up against each other sooner or later in a doorway or something. Can’t ignore the elephant in the room when it’s just gonna wind up salsa dancing on our toes. We’ve got a bit of core resonance, you and me, but it doesn’t have to be a big deal. That shit evens out over time.” 

Gamzee just looked at him. Brother had a way of using a whole lot of words to say not much of nothing. 

And the motherfucker had done that on purpose. He  _ knew _ how Gamzee felt about it and he pulled out that threat of touch anyway. Might indeed be no kind of big deal to him as was said, but that didn’t do much of anything for the way adrenaline caught Gamzee up tight in his chest. Kurloz hummed like a thunderstorm gathering, edgy spikes of energy slipping out into the room.

And there the brother and his shadow stood, watching them like motherfucking whitecoats all calm and aloof and wanting to see what might happen when they poked.

The brother tilted his head. “Not to be judgmental, but your reaction seems a little extreme. Objectively speaking, the experience last time wasn't unpleasant, just disconcerting.”

“Motherfucker, you tell me from unpleasant when you’ve had hooks in your soul, twisting and changing and tugging as to rip pieces off.” Gamzee felt his lips pulling back from his teeth. He struggled to slow his breathing, open his fists from where they were clenching. (Smell of wet grass, wood chips rough under his hands when he fell. An oilslick presence wrapped around him smothering close, ravening, tearing. Night air gone hazy red with pain, tear-blurred. No one near, no help at all--) Caught in the memory, he felt himself teetering on an edge until Kurloz swept in tight and close against him and pulled him back from the brink.

_ Shush, little brother,  _ Kurloz said, radiating warmth and affection and the utterly implacable certainty that anything that came too near would be shown no mercy. Gamzee relaxed, half involuntarily. This was how safety felt, his body knew it down in muscle and marrow. He was used to the spiky bones-and-blades feeling and it was never pointed his way, so he paid it no mind. 

He took a slow breath and looked back up at the brother. “All manner of things sing sweet at first. Don’t mean no kind of safety for a body.” 

Brother was quiet for a moment, head still tilted. “You mentioned hooks before. At the bakery, the first time the resonance kicked off. I wouldn’t have described the feeling as anything like that, but that was the first comparison that came to your mind. It felt ...predatory to you.” His brows drew in. “When exactly did a feral entity get a chance to take a piece out of you?”

Gamzee shivered, just hearing a brother say it straight out like that. He wrapped arms around himself and glared. How’d the motherfucker get a figure on of that so quick? And what business was it of his anyhow? 

“While back,” he said, and left it there. 

Silence for a moment. Then the brother raised an eyebrow, real slow and deliberate. His shadow rippled amusement again.  _ Chatterbox, isn’t he? _

“Like you’d be any more eager to speak all casual on your nightmares, noisy-ass inkblot,” Gamzee snapped. 

He didn’t get it until he saw Dirk’s expression shift, felt the rubber band snap of the other shadow flicking up to attention.

Oh, fuck. 

What had he let his tongue up and do? He thought he’d learned better--he tried so hard to keep to his own self his thoughts on what others’ shadows had to say. Made folks real uneasy like, knowing he could hear what he oughtn’t. Made ‘em mean, sometimes. Made life fuckin’ complicated.

“What,” the brother said.

The feeling of the other shadow swelled in a restless kind of way.  _ Did that just happen how I think it just happened? He just--wait. Is he still--?  _

_ Motherfuck, _ Gamzee groaned at Kurloz.  _ Bro, I went and been to do it again. _ Kurloz rippled unconcern at him, never much inclined to get his care on for what others liked or didn't. He had nothing to say, so held his silence--unlike others.

_ Hey. Yo. You. Are you eavesdropping?  _

Gamzee fought the urge to hunch his shoulders. The other shadow was talking at him purposeful now, trying to get him to slip again. 

_ Because that makes no fucking sense. I’m not touching your creepy shadow. Why would you be able to hear me? _

Gamzee kept his mouth firm shut and stared at the mess on the workbench next to him. This did not serve to chase off the look of speculation growing on the brother’s face behind those pointy shades.

An eyebrow lifted. “You know it’s hella rude to ignore someone who’s trying to talk to you,” the brother said mildly.

Gamzee lost the fight and his shoulders hunkered all in on him. “...I ain’t ignoring you, bro!”

_ Wow, nice save,  _ the other shadow put in. _ That was totally believable. I believed it. _

Gamzee shot the shadow a sulky look, then caught himself and tried to smooth it away again. 

“I didn’t,” Dirk said.

Well, motherfuck. Crossing his arms over his chest, Gamzee stared at the floor. He knew full well what came next. Nothing to do now but wait for the yelling to come and pass over and the kicking out to commence. Wasn’t like he had to fear any physical harm, Kurloz would protect him from that, but it did hurt nonetheless to be reminded how he wasn’t made right.

_ Dirk. Dirk. Poke him or something.  _ The brother’s shadow paced restlessly around his ankles.  _ Wait! No touching. Damn. Use a stick. _

There was a brief pause before the brother spoke his answer out loud. “Not sure how that would forward your goals here, bro.”

_ Not sure how it wouldn’t. Make him answer me.  _ The shadow fizzed with agitation, like a softer static in Gamzee’s head, all ripply.

...In truth, he’d expected the explosion to come by now. Gamzee glanced up under his lashes at the restless edge of shadow and then farther up to take a gander at Dirk’s face. Didn’t look mad, just ...focused. Hard to tell with those shades in the way, though. His face was all deflection and angles, but that attention seemed like to laser straight into a brother, open him up. Maybe he  _ was _ mad and Gamzee just couldn’t judge him proper?

That little dip reappeared between the brother’s brows, just the tiniest frown. This time whatever he must have said to his shadow was kept to the privacy of his own thoughts, because all Gamzee got was the shadow pulling in a little, stilling his quick flares of movement.  _ Well, he made me uncomfortable first _ , he muttered.

“Maybe we should all take a seat,” the brother said to Gamzee, ignoring this. “You can break out those cookies. Nobody will poke anyone with sticks.”

Gamzee stared at him a bit. “What, like, you ain’t going to kick me out? No big shoutfest or nothing?” It was like all that restless fear and waiting caught him behind the breastbone then and spilled right out his mouth, rushing heedless for the cliff. “‘Cause, brother, it ain’t gonna get its cease on, me being able to hear what all every other shadow’s got to say. You really want to get up and friendly with that? Pretend that don’t bother? All honesty, you didn’t strike me as a brother to invite folks to get their listen on to the inside of your skull.”

Gamzee could see that slide home right under the brother’s ribs. See the way the brother’s face changed as the full import of the thing took him. That was more familiar, the look of folks as they went back over every word exchanged with their shadows, every intimacy shared, every secret spilled unmeant. It was generally round about this time things would get their move on downhill.

Even Karkat hadn't taken well to it when Gamzee broke the news to him finally. Kicked up a most righteous shit-flipping fuss, for sure, though he settled in the end, got that gruff kindness on him like Gamzee’d had no expectation of. Made it hands down the best reaction somebody’d ever had to finding out, and there’d still been a long sight of yelling first.

The brother’s mouth pinched, face taut. He seemed unsteady a minute, then he took a long breath. “Seat. Cookies. No sticks.” His lips quirked a bit. “We can backburner that option for later.”

A snicker caught Gamzee by surprise. “Well sure, so long as I get a stick, too. We can have us a fine sword-duel or some shit. Like little kids in play-pretense at murder.” He stepped sideways to plop himself down at one end of the sofa, tucking close in with Kurloz. All the while, he kept half an eye on the brother and his shadow.

The brother swiped the chair from the workbench and sat down at a tolerable distance.

Gamzee blinked at him a second in the quiet, then remembered he’d mentioned the cookies. Fishing in his bag, he brought the box out and presented it, leaning out across the distance. “There you go, my brother. Wicked fine comestibles as requested. Made ‘em myself, special. With anise in. Jane said you were all to liking those.”

The brother took the box, pinched out a single cookie. He looked up to pin Gamzee with the blank stare of his shades and asked blandly, “So, how does it work?”

“Well, the recipe’s all to being a secret, but--” 

Dirk tilted his head a reproachful fraction. 

Gamzee left off, but frowned at him a touch mulish. “Ain’t my fault if a brother gets his imprecision on.”

_ Yeah, Dirk, that was totally easy to misconstrue,  _ the brother’s shadow said. _ You could have been asking after baking secrets, or human reproduction, or the mysteries of the ancients, who the fuck knows. It definitely wasn’t anything to do with the human mind-reader over there who is definitely not dodging any topics. _

The brother sighed and nibbled at his cookie all prim, set the cookie box down by his chair. “Your complaint is precision? Let’s get precise. Who can you hear? In how much detail? How often? Under what conditions? You don’t appear to require contact or overshadowing--is distance a component? Is it only the shadows or can you pick up on their hosts, too?”

“Holy fuck, give a brother a chance to get at catching his breath.” Gamzee glared at him, slumping down against the sofa back. Might not be all forcing instruments and shit on a brother like some of those nosy fucking whitecoats, but there was still a whole heap of pushy demand going down. Motherfucker clearly wasn’t going to let up until he had some kind of satisfaction. “I don’t even got all those answers to me. Only some. Never thought about it too much, I just gotta be all living with it.”

The brother twitched his lips in a way that suggested disapproval, took a sharp bite of cookie. His shadow flickered with that wave of pointed humor again.  _ It seems he’s suggesting it’s possible to *not* obsessively pick apart every ability, thought, and action. Dirk, this can’t be so, can it? Your whole life philosophy torn apart in seconds. _

It was sort of fascinating to watch how little the brother’s face changed. A muscle getting on its flex and twitch in his jaw was the only outward sign of annoyance, nothing Gamzee would have noticed if he hadn’t had cause to look for it. The brother kept his expression mild on Gamzee. “So. For instance, how much of that did you get?”

The entire form of the brother’s shadow flinched inwards. The backsplash of his slinking embarrassment hit Gamzee a heartbeat before the prickling burn of defensiveness. _Fuck_ , the shadow-bro said, and then went silent.

“Got most all of it, bro,” Gamzee admitted, as Kurloz bubbled darkly with amusement. His shadow-bro kept quiet, otherwise, swirling idle tendrils up along the wall and down among the tangle of wires on the floor. He had no stake in any hurt or worry that wasn't Gamzee’s. This was all at being mild entertainment to him, it wouldn't hold his interest none unless threats came out again.

“Ain’t no background noise to distract me here, and you ain’t far enough away to quiet it down. Couldn't really not hear if I tried.” Gamzee tried to think of something comfort-making to say. “Don’t matter if you do be obsessing; only picking apart I’ll hear is his.”

“Great,” the brother said flatly. “Get to know us. Find out how reassuring that is not.”

Gamzee’s shoulders hunched. “Sorry, bro.”

“Not your fault. You don’t have any control over it-- I assume. Maybe you could fill me in on the details.” He finished the cookie, licked the crumbs neatly off his fingers.

Gamzee shrugged, briefly distracted by that quick tongue, and waved a hand through the air in a vague gesture. “Fuck if I wouldn’t  _ like  _ some control. But, nah, I never got my figure on of all that. Just up and hear folk’s shadows when they get their nearness on to me, like to sneak their noise all up in my head. Don’t like it when it’s more than a few gets their talk on nearby. Gets all cluttered and messy, fit to drown out my own thoughts.”

“And that started when you bonded your shadow-brother?”

“Nah, bro. Kurloz just shined it up, made it more exact-like. Before him it was a mess of noise I was up at getting, all what folks were feeling and none of the words. I was always kinda off, I guess.” He tried half a smile, but it didn’t quite fit right.

Kurloz licked in around his legs on the couch, coiled close in his mind.  _ Shh, little brother, don’t fret. Ain’t a single fucking thing amiss with you, it’s the rest of the world’s made wrong. *You* make motherfucking *sense.* _

“Hm,” was all Dirk said. His tone was hard to put meaning to, but Gamzee felt a flash of startled recognition from his shadow, still closed off and tight and static-y. He vaguely wondered what of the little he’d said had brought that out. And whether asking on it would bring the shadow and his brother closer to that explosion he still half expected. 

“So your shadow-familiar just finetunes an innate sensitivity to the energy of interplanar entities,” the brother continued, absently opening the cookie box and selecting another. “I wonder if that would increase your vulnerability to predatory shadows.”

Gamzee was getting a real motherfucking powerful want that the brother would shut the fuck up about that. He  _ would  _ keep coming back round to a topic, had a wicked persistence to him. Gamzee listened to Kurloz humming sweet and dark at him, queering the energy around them, until he could ignore the chill in his gut and give answer. “Weren’t Kurloz’s fault, don’t pin it on him. That happened previous, before he found me. Never had nothing as could touch me in all of six years since we joined paths.”

The brother’s brows pinched; his shadow took on that sharp edge of attention again. “And you’re ...how old?”

“I make nineteen years, my brother.”

“Let me bust out my mad math skills here: Nineteen minus six. Why would you be bonding a shadow at  _ thirteen _ .”

Gamzee widened his eyes at the brother, all innocence. “Why not, bro?”

Dirk gave him a flat look, bit off half the cookie.

His shadow-bro unfurled himself again, stretching out on the floor to lean against the shadow of Dirk’s chair as if he’d never left.  _ Gee, can anyone in this room think of any reasons juvenile humans shouldn’t bond shadows? It couldn’t possibly be a bad idea to host an extraplanar being in an underdeveloped brain that’s still solidifying its personality matrix, could it? Dirk, you have any thoughts on dumbass kids that bite off more than they can chew? _

Gamzee’d had plenty of worse shit said at him without getting up in his wrath at it. He was all ready to shrug this off too, until he noted the brother’s chewing on that cookie had more force to it than needed, a vengeful snap to his jaw. Could be this one was directed to more than just Gamzee’s address…? He sat forward, head tilting a bit. “Wouldn't've thought a wicked smart brother like you would be a dumbass kid.”

_ How wrong you would be _ , the other shadow murmured.

“Welp, I can already see this eavesdropping trick of yours is going to vastly enrich my life.”

Gamzee shrank into himself, then frowned, crossing his arms. “You want I pretend at not hearing again?”

“Ha. No. I don’t think that will exactly solve the problem.”

“I ain’t looking to be solved, brother.”

The brother’s attention sharpened up on him again. “I didn’t say you needed to be. I’m pretty sure you’re not obligated to tailor your personality to my emotional hangups.”

_ Because, wow, would that be a full time job _ , the other shadow said.

Gamzee stared from brother to shadow and back. It was no common thing for someone to not lay all the blame at Gamzee’s door that could be. He had no notion on him how exactly to handle it. 

“Between the two of us, I’d say it’s even odds I’m the more difficult to live with,” the brother continued. “You and your shadow-bro only got difficult when you felt threatened, but we’re like this all the time. I don’t know who people find more off-putting, me or Hal.”

_ Survey says it’s me, bro. Got a before and after comparison and everything.  _ The brother’s shadow extended both arms, stretching ostentatiously.  _ ‘Course, *you* made us. _

“What I’m saying,” the brother said, ignoring his shadow with a practiced ease to him, “is there’s more than one potential dealbreaker in this hypothetical living arrangement. I guess it depends on what you feel like you can live with.” 

“Wait, what I can live with?” Gamzee frowned at him. “Ain’t it just as much about what you can be all to tolerating, too? Rather get thrown out now than a month down the line when the last of your chill gets on its walkabout.”

“Wow. I’m offended that you think my chill could only go a month. I assure you that I have a lifetime supply of epic quality chill, carefully curated. I am like one of those hoarders, but instead of a basement full of cat  _ tchotchkes _ it’s just basket after beautifully handwoven basket of pure chill. All my chill is organic, hand-picked in the early morning dew by the fairest of maidens. You do not get more chill than me.” Another cookie went in two bites.

_ Brother’s got a fair grasp of the word flow himself _ , Kurloz said, and Gamzee felt the influx of his attention now there was something more like to draw his notice.  _ Lot of pretty noise to dodge the question. _

_ I got my own note on of just such a thing,  _ Gamzee replied, with a slight grim touch. He cast his eye on the brother. “Maybe you can get your chill self to up and answer my question then. You really think you can be all at living with me, knowing what it is I can do in true scope of honesty?”

The brother pressed his lips together. “In a word: I have no idea. I can’t guarantee how I’ll  _ feel _ . I can only make guarantees on what I’ll  _ do _ . I can promise that I wouldn’t kick you out before the lease ends without proper notice and real cause. If it does get uncomfortable for either of us, I’ll keep to my space and spend as much time in the lab as possible, or we can coordinate who’s home when via text.” He crossed his arms and drummed his fingers on them in thought. “Hal doesn’t fold up or stay out of the way when I’m home--that’s non-negotiable. I know sometimes sensitive people get headaches from his frequencies interacting. Sorry if that’s an issue for you.”

“I got no problem with your shadow-bro just now, brother,” Gamzee offered. “He’s way less off-key and static-y than he felt back at the bakery.”

The feeling of the brother’s shadow at the edge of Gamzee’s mind went all bubble-fizzy with surprise and intrigue.

The brother paused a moment. “That’s interesting. Most people seem to prefer it when he… contains himself.”

Gamzee shrugged. “Ain’t no matter to me.” Motherfucker was chatty but kind of funny.

The brother watched him another minute longer, then nodded. “Cool.” 

_ Good luck with that _ , his shadow added in undertone.

“Next issue. House rules--we can work those out later. Clean up after yourself, keep the noise down if the other guy’s trying to sleep, don’t disturb the neighbors, give a heads up for guests, etcetera. Don’t touch my workbench--as previously mentioned my projects have sensitive components.” He paused again, ran a hand through all that spiky pale hair. “Final hurdle. The resonance thing. AKA the minor issue of that racket our souls make every time we touch. We’re gonna bump into each other sooner or later if you move in. This would work a lot better if you don’t flip out every time it happens.”

_ Bitch,  _ Kurloz muttered, thrumming like a oncoming earthquake. The purring rumble of him curled up close and protective at the back of Gamzee’s mind. _ You come pushing at my little bro like those motherfucking rippers did and you best believe I will shove back HARD. Get so far in your face I’ll go RIGHT DOWN YOUR THROAT. _

Gamzee tilted his head just slightly to the side, keeping his eyes on the brother all blank and mild-like, and let the silence ride. Inwardly he hummed appreciation to Kurloz, sent him the feeling of a smile, comfort and reassurance reflecting back and forth between them. 

“Don’t everybody spring in with suggestions all at once,” Dirk said into the extending pause. “Seriously, I’m not really looking to live with a landmine waiting to go off. I need to know if this is going to be a problem.” He dropped back into the loaded silence a minute, watching Gamzee as Gamzee watched him back. “Have you considered the benefits of exposure therapy?”

Gamzee gave him a dubious look. “Therapy and I ain’t really on what you might be calling friendly terms.”

_ Stop the presses,  _ the brother’s shadow said.  _ Shocker headlines on the way. _

Gamzee snorted and aimed a twisted smile toward him on the floor.

“There’s a difference between talk therapy and exposure therapy,” the brother said. “The latter doesn’t need a trained professional. We can do it right here.”

“Whole shitload of things I can think of we could be doing right here,” Gamzee said dryly.

The brother paused just a few seconds too long and Kurloz chuckled darkly up in Gamzee’s head. “Right. Well. Leaving the obvious innuendo lounging uncomfortably on the floor between us, let’s move on to the part where I suggest--uh, something that in hindsight is really awkward. Hang on.” 

Gamzee watched with interest as the brother kinda hunched over those long legs of his, elbows on his knees, and rubbed hands over his face. After a second, the brother popped back up as blank-faced as ever. “Wow, after that opening, there is just no smooth way to recover this. We are going full awkward here. Diving right into this, bro. Come with me to the magical land where I suggest getting our hands up on each other. But in the most platonic way possible. For science.”

Gamzee’s eyebrows lifted themselves right on up. Real kind of the brother to feed him a motherfucking beautiful straight-line. “Don’t got much of a liking on me for science. Rather do it for fun.”

_ (Holy shit _ ,) the shadow-bro muttered, so pressed down that it was almost a whisper. And then, louder:  _ Just couldn’t leave that innuendo be, could he. Just had to pick it up and polish it all shiny. Add some glitter and bangles on top. Dirk, he’s getting swag in our awkward. Step it up. _

Gamzee grinned, slow and smug, half-lidded eyes meaningful.

The brother’s cheeks weren’t so dark that Gamzee couldn’t see the rosy tint sneaking up in them. “You know what? Let’s change the subject. Except I actually had a point I was getting to; let’s change it back.” 

So much for the distraction. That single-minded focus the motherfucker had to him was annoying as shit. Although a brother had to admit it did impress. In a way. ...Was also kinda fun watching him speak all steady with the flush still on his face, like it wasn't even a thing.

“Right, so,” the brother said. “The idea with exposure therapy is that we do the thing, and the thing doesn’t kill us, and then the thing is less intimidating and disturbing and stops being such a fucking issue. Important note: the thing is touch-related, but not sex. Innuendo is fun, trauma and property damage is less fun.”

The words sobered Gamzee up, drained the fun right out of him. “Touch-related,” he said cautiously. “So like, what?” 

“Well, I was thinking just touch fingers or something, but we could always get really crazy and try a brief handshake.”

Gamzee took a deep breath, straightening up a bit, and got some serious thought on. On the face of it, the brother’s suggestion didn’t sound so bad. Nothing like as deep as he’d feared to go. Just a light little touch to endure, just a brief moment of that crazy ringing harmonic juddering through him, then away and safe again. Wasn’t like he had the want to be feeling that again, still a long sight too invasive, too close to that other long-ago feeling, but… He found he was curious. The whole world (and Karkat in particular) had a mound of interesting things to say about being soulstruck, and this brother had a certain intrigue to him as well. 

He slipped a glance at the brother out from under his hair. Thin brown face behind shades made for hiding, one hand flickering a restless beat against his thigh. Hella good arms shown off by that worn tanktop. Fine legs on the brother, too, nice shaped, making those jeans work hard. That darkest-shade shadow-bro of his cast himself across the floor beside him, arms crossed, one toe silently tapping in time. Some kind of fascinating he was, too, like no shadow Gamzee had ever met nor heard of.

Weren’t like Gamzee had any reluctance to him to get his hands on a fine-looking brother like that, it was just with those motherfucking side effects it was more like taking their skins off and lying up against each other. Too fucking intimate by half, like having the brother’s heart and mind all shoved up in Gamzee’s face where he couldn’t look away. Parts of him… plucked at Gamzee. Hard to figure how the brother was so unbothered by it, when he had to be getting Gamzee pushed on him just as much. Had to be a world less pleasant, even, and yet there he sat with every sign of ease, proposing to do it again.

If he could motherfucking stand it, so could Gamzee. Probably. He hoped.

Would be a fucking shame to wreck this nice place before he even got to move in.

_ Don’t worry, little brother,  _ Kurloz murmured. _ I can take him down without cracking a single windowpane, if you want it so. Shade him over, sing them full of fear, shut that noisy little carpet ornament down. _

Gamzee sent him a wave of fondness.  _ Save back that havoc of fear and wonderment for if I'm needing it later, my brother.  _ Drawing breath long and deep, Gamzee looked up at Dirk where he still waited, all patience, and nodded. “All right, bro, let’s try this.”

Wordlessly, the brother offered out his hand.

Gamzee’s heart thrummed so it felt like a hummingbird was up and caught in his chest. He shifted forward to the edge of the couch. Kurloz shifted with him, low and lurking, but made no move to strike just yet. Swallowing hard, Gamzee stretched out a hand. It took an effort of will to push it that last electric breath of space ‘til skin met skin.

Just a heartbeat to register the brush of a warm dry palm against his fingers and then he slammed against the back of the couch, jerking away from the pursuing echo that reverberated through him. Pulling back made little use, though, when the feeling was already in him. He sat still, panting, and closed his eyes, tried to get his thinking around what all this was.

It was… maybe not as bad as all expected. Weren’t tearing none like he’d thought, no reeling agony of shatter and rend, and as the panic died down some he found no harm anywhere. The sense-echo just moved through, like a ripple, left no wounds behind. Breath started coming easier as he studied on the feeling. Nothing like old half-forgotten nightmares, like memories of things coming from the dark, but it took a few seconds to come clear in his mind what exactly it was like. The difference between that feeling and this one was the difference between sound blasting at you like to turn the world to static, and a song catching in your ear as you’d never heard before, but might take to. 

He shook his head a little and looked up at the brother. “Ain’t actually so bad,” he offered, still breathing careful. “Didn’t kill me yet.”

Dirk raised his eyebrows a second and then looked away, color high on his cheekbones. “A thrilling endorsement.” His voice was dry, but the humming, keyed-up energy of his shadow-bro didn’t match. 

Turning over the weird feeling slowly fading out in his head, Gamzee found curiosity sliding in uppermost. He tapped his fingers on the couch, in the dark space Kurloz made. “Wanna up and try it again?”

The brother looked back at him, quick and startled. “Sorta assumed you’d want to quit.” He shifted in his chair and the hand came back out of his pocket. “Sure, yeah. Whatever. I’m game.”

Gamzee quirked him a smile and offered up his palm. The brother hesitated hardly at all before he reached out and laid his own up against Gamzee’s, his face set like stepping up to a challenge. 

This time Gamzee didn’t pull away as the harmonics crashed over him. What with the earlier touch he had the knowing of it down now, could hold his ground against the tide. He let it wash over and through and tasted it the while. Still he found he could only hold out so long before the intensity got to him, rattled and shook him. He pulled back, like surfacing from the depths for air.

Breathing deep and careful, he took a moment to look it all over.

Now that he could get somewhere past the fear of the thing, past the trembling intensity of it, he could feel through to how it wasn’t so completely different to any other surface brushing of shadows, the glimpse you got of a person that way. Just… deeper. Bigger, like. Stepping back and back again he could start to find the shape of things, the pattern of the brother and his shadow coming clear from the noise.

On the face of it, the brother felt like an explosion waiting to happen. Intention under pressure, energy held back by discipline. Could be that was what rang so true between them, because Gamzee knew well enough what it was to be holding back and wanting to let loose all at once. Knew the feel of shrapnel flying free from your own self despite all best intentions.

That was just the start of it though. Beneath the explosion all lurking in its imminence were all manner of other things, some of which kept themselves well out of reach, screened by the noise of all the rest. Dry humor had no objection to step up and be recognized. Focused purpose stood central, damn sure it was the leader. Wound all through, when Gamzee attended close enough, he found out that powerful drive the brother had, ever pushing for more, farther, higher.

Pulling out of his consideration, he shook out his hand absently, like to wring out the aftertingles of a shock. He could still feel the ghost impression of fingers printed against his. When he looked over, the brother was more blank-faced than ever, sitting stoic and still in his chair. Only his hand moved, rubbing back and forth on his thigh.

Gamzee grinned at him, dizzy with accomplishment, and lounged back against the couch. “All right, bro. We’re cool.”

“....Really.” The brother didn’t seem to have his belief quite on him yet. He lifted up an eyebrow. “Two minutes and we got that phobia all sorted out. Exposure therapy is magic and I am a goddamn genius with my hands.”

“We ain’t proved that last bit yet.” Gamzee shrugged and kept his smile. “I did the thing, it ain’t motherfucking killed me, that’s what you asked.” He narrowed his eyes a touch. “Don’t go changing terms on me now.”

“The terms were that you be capable of distinguishing between a stray touch and an attack.”

“Yeah. Distinguishment up and happened. Can we shift our motherfucking ground yet?”

“There's a difference between a controlled experiment--” the brother started in protest, then broke off and blew out his breath. “You know what? Fine. Let’s conveniently shift right past massive tracts of unexplored ground and assume we won’t end up standing in quicksand. What could possibly go wrong?”

_ Absolutely everything,  _ his brother chimed in.

“Sweet,” he finished, blandly. “Let’s do the thing.”

Gamzee smiled, edged contentment.

The brother fetched out the papers and signing happened all official-like. Well-enmeshed in scrawling name and date one spot after another, Gamzee didn’t pay much mind as Kurloz set to sliding tendrils out into the room, exploratory and possessive. 

The other shadow lounged unmoved by his brother’s chair.  _ Someone’s feeling territorial. You think he plans to pee on everything? _

Kurloz sent a spike sweeping across the floor towards the other shadow, stopping barely short. The other shadow didn’t even flinch.

_ You pee on me, I pee on you, buddy. Not really my kink, but hey, follow your dreams, metaphorical watersports for the win.  _

Gamzee felt Kurloz’s startled reaction to the direct address; unheard of between shadows. A second tendril joined the first, curling out to encroach on the other shadow’s space.

The shadow flared darker and then mimed crossing his legs in showy disinterest. 

Dirk didn’t even glance their way. Gamzee suspected he had plenty of practice to him, ignoring shadowy shenanigans. “And right here,” the brother said, pointing to another spot on the page.

Obedient, Gamzee signed and dated again, watching in bemusement as the two shadows attempted to intimidate each other without actually touching. He could feel the prickly bristling they made at each other as they jostled and shifted, testing limits. Gamzee stiffened as one of Kurloz’s jabs came closer than the rest, almost brushing the other shadow’s edge. 

_ Bro?  _ he murmured uneasily, his heart kicking in his chest. When the shadows had crossed before, in the bakery, it'd felt little different than brushing skin with the brother, no less strength to the jar and shudder of it.

His shadow-brother flowed back a foot in show of cooperation. The parts of Kurloz near Gamzee swirled in close and comforting, wordless contrition.

_ Just get your care on,  _ Gamzee sent at him,  _ I already had as much taste of these brothers as I want for a day. _

Kurloz hummed back easy assurance. He didn’t leave off what he was at, but he didn’t test the other shadow as close, either.

The brother tossed his pen back to the workbench. “That’s the last one,” he said, collecting Gamzee’s sheets and tapping the papers into a pile. “All right, it’s official. Welcome to the circus; you look like you’ll make a good clown.”

“Hell yeah, bro, I juggle like a motherfucker.”

Without moving a muscle in his face, the brother still up and conveyed nonplussed. 

Gamzee nodded to him and stood. “That all the business we’ve got at us?”

The brother paused just a second before standing himself. “Technically. Nothing left that can’t warm on the burner a while. We scare you off already?

Gamzee tilted his head and grinned at the brother, heart picking up a pace at the thought that came on him. A bit nervous-making, maybe, but worth it for the wicked fun. (Worth it to prove to himself he dared.) He stepped forward until he was right up in the brother’s face, still grinning. Taking a leaf from Kurloz’s book, he leaned in as close as he could get without touching and breathed low and cheerful, “I look scared to you?”

Kinda seemed like the brother had frozen. Gamzee wasn’t sure he was breathing right now. Hadn’t realized he could turn that solid a red, either. In fairness, air seemed to have its scarcity on for Gamzee too just now, and his heart was slamming like to bruise ribs. The brother’s shadow abruptly had all his attention on Gamzee, a vibrating twang of energy singing at the back of his head. 

The brother took a breath. One corner of his mouth turned up in a dry smirk. “Kinda looks like you’re thinking of taking the exposure therapy to a whole new level. I must be better at this than I thought.”

Gamzee laughed, the tension shifting easier, and took a few steps back to reclaim his space. Lowering his head, he looked up at the brother through his eyelashes. “Speaking of things to put all on the back burner for later. Can’t take you up on that fine offer just now. But you go on and keep those motherfucking genius hands of yours on standby. Who knows what miracles might up and take place?” 

Dirk raised one eyebrow.

“Enjoy the cookies, bro,” Gamzee added, glancing meaningfully at the nearly empty box. “Nice to know they make a good bribe.” 

The brother moved his head just enough to make it clear he was rolling his eyes. “I do prefer my future roommates to be adequately trained in bribery techniques.”

Gamzee slung his bag over his shoulder and moved for the door. Kurloz pooled around his feet as he stopped in the doorway and grinned. “Looking forward to it.”

As they walked down the sidewalk in the falling dusk, streetlights flicking on bright around them, it took Gamzee a fair span to cool down. He was all full up with jitters, coming off the high of success on fear on heavy flirtation. Fuck but that had been a whole load of crazy shit that up and went down, bringing out an unwieldy bundle of emotions all packed in on each other.

Kurloz was restless at his side, sliding up each streetlamp as they passed it. He had an angular kind of intrigued look to his edges, all corners instead of curls. After a space of walking with each to his own thoughts, Gamzee couldn’t help but take note that his brother had something in his mind to be up and chewing on. 

_ What’s up, my brother? _

_ All manner of things be up and down in the world, little brother mine. Nothing as should give trouble to your mind. _

Gamzee shrugged to himself and let be. When Kurloz went cryptic there was no point poking at him direct. He slid over to a different line of question instead.  _ What’s your thought on those brothers? You think it’ll work out? _

That intrigued feel to his shadow-bro strengthened, a predatory edge sharpening it up.  _ Who can say but the deep powers? But work or no, it’s like to be a fine motherfucking hellride.  _

Gamzee grinned ruefully, shaking his head.  _ ‘Least we won’t be getting on our boredom. _

_ No,  _ Kurloz purred, smug and certain, edges curling round like ribbons.  _ No more will they. We’ll all be well motherfucking entertained. _


End file.
